Snow White and the Huntsman: NR #25

Wait...is..is that YOU?! Oh my god, man it's been too long, gimmie some skin man! How ya been doin, hows the family? Man, it's been like, what, 2 weeks? That is too long. Yeah, sorry I missed the last two weeks. The first week was out of my control and last week, well that was entirely my fault and I apologize. Now that's out of the way, let's get to the main event which is a movie I think you've all heard of and may have been very excited for. This week's movie is...

    Let's Begin

PLOT

Long ago, in an alternate dimension where fairy tales had to be tough to be good, a royal baby is born named Snow White, who is the "fairest" baby of them all (ewwww). But, when Snow White's father is tricked into fighting an army of...glass people I guess, he discovers a woman prisoner who is so beautiful that the next day he marries her. But, that night, the woman kills the king, and since the first queen is dead, this woman becomes queen. Evil queen. She imprisons Snow White and keeps her locked in the north tower. Years later, and the Queen is still evil and is obsessed with keeping young and chewing scenery. Snow White finds a way to escape and runs away. The Queen then hires the Huntsman to, well, hunt her down. But after he discovers that the Queen is going to betray him, she joins Snow White in her quest to defeat the Queen and bring happiness and colors back to the land.

PROS

Charlize Theron steals the show as the Queen. She is given full range to go absolutely bonkers. She yells and screams at almost random, she makes some of the best angry faces put to film, and is actually evil. She kills, no question about it. She doesn't like you, dead. They really could have done a whole movie about her character.

The costumes and set designs are great. They look awesome, and, once again, Charlize Theron's dresses steal the show. They're very creepy and creative. They're always made out of raven bones, feathers, or anything evil.

The special effects are amazing. They really do some awesome stuff with it. There is a great scene where they go to a place called "The Sanctuary". In this scene, the special effects team went all out. The creatures and plant life are cool and it all looks beautiful.

The Dwarfs, while some what useless, bring comedy that was desperately needed. It really adds life to this dull movie, and they're some of the most interesting characters in the whole movie, next the the Queen of course.

CONS

Now, I've never seen Kristen Stewart in action, but have always heard she was awful. I thought, "Well maybe the horrible scripts of 'Twilight' are to blame for her poor acting skills." I was wrong. She is so bad, so uninteresting, so...so...boring. She's so boring that she looks bored throughout the whole movie. There is nothing that makes her "Fairer" than Charlize Theron, nothing that makes her desirable to anyone, and nothing that makes her stand out. And, SHE. CAN. NEVER. CLOSE. HER. DARN. MOUTH!

The film is to focused on making the film "dark" and "edgy" that it makes the main characters, Snow White and the Huntsman, paper thin characters. You just don't care enough to root for or against them.

Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth have no chemistry. Now, I don't blame Chris, he is a great actor with nothing to do, and I don't blame Kristen, well not entirely. No, I blame the script. They just never seem close enough or even like each other.

CONCLUSION

This is a very lackluster movie that is saved only by the minor characters, the villain, and the special effects. But none of that is the focus, so we spend most of the movie with boring characters just waiting for Theron to scream some more, or the dwarfs to be funny. Over all this movie is not worth a full priced ticket, not even a matinee. It's more than serviceable at home for $5 or less. Come back during the week to see my new summer long review special. What is it? You'll just have to find out.

RATING

RENTABLE